After an exhausting two-hour slog through the brutally bleak highways of Pennsylvania, our intrepid team of cultural missionaries sojourned briefly at a nearby Sheetz Gasoline and Processed Food Emporium. Lt. 1st Class Dawkins, known for his pioneering studies in blue convenience store hallucinogens, took the daring first step onto this untouched turf, only to have his confident step met with a pile of fetid excrement. A pile of puffy-looking putrescence had been discreetly discharged in the general store’s parking lot by an ill-intentioned miscreant. Although our stalwart leiutenant has encountered horrors beyond human understanding, he could not help but flinch at his unexpected encounter.
Zachary, the wheelship’s science officer, was suddenly struck with digestive complications, and threw himself towards the nearest head (that’s lavatory to you landlubbers), whereupon the semi-dissolved bilious content of his bowels was forcibly evacuated from his mouth.
After his mortifying encounter with the unknown, one would expect Dawkins to be unable to complete any complicated task, but he sprang into action, and with my help, pretzels, patent medicines, and Moxie were purchsased. He trod back to the car with his precious cargo, but clearly had not learned his lesson from ten minutes beforehand, and once again slipped in shit.
-Taylor
